Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

With 4 million people living in one of the world's densest-populated cities, neighbourhood disputes are not uncommon, but the infamous decade-long Joo Chiat drama some years ago, a neighbourhood war in which seven families are united against one, is not a run-of-the-mill story.

In one of the semi-detached housing estates in Joo Chiat area, seven neighbours have repeatedly complained of harassment by the Chans for almost 10 years. The Chan family which includes retiree Chan Cheng Koon, 67, his wife Chua Gek Eng, in her 60s, and their daughter Soo Yin, a secondary school teacher in her 40s, in turn blamed their neighbours of having started the conflict.

In one dispute, the neighbours found the Chans mounted a spotlight which they turn on at night shining into their bedrooms and affecting their sleep. They think the Chan family is inconsiderate. The Chans, however, feel they are at no wrong and explain that it is for security purposes when confronted by their neighbours.

The seven neighbours are most distressed by the Chans’ offensive flaunting of wealth and earning capacity, showing off of jewellery and car and educational status. The arrogant daughter, a secondary school teacher with a doctorate in life sciences, standing next to her mother, once shouted across to the neighbours: "You see, this is diamonds, you can buy or not? You got money to buy?"

The police have been called in several times and the warring parties have resorted to getting video evidence of each other’s wrongdoings. The Gan family - one of the seven neighbours – eventually installed a security camera facing the Chan's house. Shortly after, an eye for an eye, Mr. Chan begun video-filming people in the street every morning routinely. The offended Chans would even film their neighbours and tail them or their visitors, causing many to feel uncomfortable.

In my opinion, this social friction of life in the neighbourhood mainly roots from the lack of community spirit and social gracious. If you are the Member of Parliament (MP) for the Joo Chiat constituency, how would you solve this conflict between the two warring parties?

Effective Communication Skills

Communication is like ballroom dancing; it takes two to “tango”. Often, no two dance partners can really read each other’s mind, a certain level of skill is required by the two partners to coordinate each other and make them look good. In the same way, without telepathy between two individuals of different backgrounds such as ethnic and education, successful communication requires some skills of both the speaker and listener or the writer and reader.

To understand and to be understood
Effective communication skills help two individuals to understand each other in this two-way process. To a speaker/writer, these skills are essential to ensure that the other party is able to interpret his or her message the way s/he intended it. On the receiving end, these skills prompt the listener/reader to reflect if s/he has interpreted the speaker’s message correctly. When the listener fails to understand correctly the intentions of the speaker, misunderstanding commonly arises. To make things worse, words said and deeds done cannot be retrieved or undone. The extent of misunderstanding can thus be so great that it may cause permanent bad feeling and even hatred.

To build and maintain relationships
To be alive is to reach out to others. From the moment we first cried to the moment we bid farewell to this world, relationships are the core of our existence. Our relationships with others form the context for all other aspects of our lives. To build and maintain good relationships with family members, friends, colleagues and even clients, effective communication skills play a significant role. These skills greatly reduce the occurrence of misunderstandings and conflicts in interpersonal relationships. Ineffective communication skills, on the other hand, may sour or sometimes destroy relationships.